Today I got my front tooth fixed, so it's no longer chipped, and I no longer resemble a character from Wrong Turn. I am quite saddened about this.

I wrote a short story for Take a Break Fiction magazine last night; the whole idea is it is meant to be a story with a twist. A twist for a reader who's average age is 85? For fuck's sake, a biscuit without their tea is a twist for them. Anyway, after much debate I decided to write about a woman worried about what the reader would assume is her teenage daughter, but is in fact her CAT.

Jesus H Christ, I have sacrificed pretty much all my artistic integrity to write that story. Let's hope it gets me £400. It would be nice to keep my electricity.

In other news, there's a lot of talk about Illuminati and the music industry at the moment. I love a good conspiracy theory, but I do not believe 99% of them. Purely because you can make a conspiracy theory out of even, oh let's say Take a Break readers and their penchant for a twist in their tales, if you try hard enough. I personally am more scared of an uprising of grannies with knitting needles than I am of a Lady Gaga video, but that's just me.

Tila Tequila is still batshit crazy which is awesome. I'm definitely more of a fan of her since she flipped her lid than when she just got topless on myspace.

I miss Scarily Alike Friend more than anything. I can't wait to see her again.

Watch out for Beyonce/Jay Z/Lady Gaga etc videos - they will DEFINITELY turn you into zombies and you will DEFINITELY be worshipping satan by enjoying the musical joy they bring to us all.